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We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

failed to dodge

by roselove

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1.
shame 04:00
the shame eats me up i can’t swim through it i’d say that i deserve it if “deserving” weren’t anachronistic the shame that i create by doing unspeakable things the shame that i create by hurting the ones i love
2.
i wish you could see me in my pretty dress yes, i wish you could see those polka dots without seeing the blood run from my arm without seeing me faint next to your car i was dreaming of dolls at antique malls you’re my doll you’re my doll let me fall i want dolls but i don’t know where to find barbiturates so i guess i’ll pretend to live again in the morning everything will feel fucked up but for you, i’ll pretend to do my best i was dreaming of dolls at antique malls you’re my doll you’re my doll let me fall i want dolls
3.
anyway 03:04
you found me in a weird spot i’m frightened by the world a lot you don’t know it too much anyway we sunk our teeth into our wounds though we didn’t mean to i don’t think i could eat anymore anyway i’ve got your fingertips stuck in the back of my head scratch, scratch, i’m already dead scratch, scratch sometimes i think i talk too much sometimes i’ve not a single thought i don’t like my voice too much anyway i think i want to love myself it seems you couldn’t help me out i guess it’s not about you anyway i’ve got your fingertips stuck in the back of my head scratch, scratch, i’m already dead scratch, scratch i’ve got your fingertips stuck in the back of my head scratch, scratch, i’m already dead scratch, scratch
4.
i daydream of being exiled to the great big sea where no one can find me and i can find peace no land to harbor expectations no land to harbor fear leave me the fuck alone i’m in the sea come hang with me or leave me be leave me the fuck alone i’m in the sea come hang with me or leave me be i daydream of being exiled to my hometown where everyone can find me and i find suffering in this land, i feel bliss through my assuredness in this land, i feel free leave me the fuck alone i’m in the sea come hang with me or leave me be leave me the fuck alone i’m in the sea come hang with me or leave me be
5.
shirk away 01:57
for years they’ve asked the question “to be or not to be?” well, i’ve come to both conclusions but only separately you may find it in your heart that if you do know, you don’t and you don’t wanna start you’ve got time to be and you’ve got breaths to breathe there are things you’ve yet to find and there are things you’ve yet to leave but you may find it in your heart that if you do know, you don’t and you don’t wanna start but it’s not that hard to just shirk away
6.
my skin is red hot to the touch maybe from fear, maybe from love every feeling is just the same abstract and nebulous a prophetic dream fell into my head a spirit emerged from my heat vent as i neared the door, i wound up dead i had to let go as i reached the end you were on my coattails i was running like a snail i knew that you’d catch up a death the same as love life exists in passed memories why is everything bittersweet now you’re telling me to breathe drink some water and get some sleep the world keeps moving all too fast i wonder when we’re gonna crash all the planets will sit and laugh i always knew that saturn’s best you were on my coattails i was running like a snail i knew that you’d catch up a death the same as love you never gave a fuck a death the same as love you never gave a fuck a death the same as love
7.
stupid moth 02:14
buying fancy beers never fear what the sky takes from you i look for the clouds but i’m always shot down so i will build a home in descent, i descend you won’t talk to me no relief do i foresee when i see the light it tries to kill me i’m a stupid moth i am circling you
8.
what’s a life to another cigarette i was hoping you’d pull me back and save me what’s a life to another cigarette every time i take a drag i think of you and feel dead what’s another manic night downtown i’ll sleep the length of the F to the beach and back i gave a loosie to a homeless hippie slept on a floor that i couldn’t afford i don’t know where i fit in i don’t know who i am i don’t know who i am without you here to hurt me please bring me back home oh, don’t take me back home i don’t know where to go please tell me that you know please bring me back home oh, don’t take me home i don’t know where to go i don’t know where i am what’s a life to another cigarette every time i take a drag i think of you and feel dead what’s another manic night downtown i’ll sleep the length of the F to queens and back what’s a life to another cigarette i was hoping you’d pull me back and kiss me instead

credits

released February 12, 2022

drums written, performed, and recorded by stephe ferm at muck duck studio in rochester.
everything else written, performed, and recorded by roselove in her former bedrooms in rochester.

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roselove Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

maybe music.
maybe not.

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